"I know the perfect guy for you...."

Being 40 and single means that I've heard the above phrase more times than I care to remember. When I meet new women, they tend to say, "Why are you still single? I know the perfect guy for you.." Experience tells me that this "perfect guy" and I have one thing in common; we're both single. That's it. I've never been on a blind date where I had more than one or two things in common with the guy. Why people would think that I would have anything in common with a guy who scoops elephant poop in the circus, is 48 and lives with his parents, has dirty fingernails and a tattoo of a naked lady on his forearm, is beyond me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm better than this guy. I just don't think we'd have much in common.

I will say that I have met some really good guys on blind dates. Unfortunately, there wasn't a spark, so we've ended up as friends.

People say that I'm too picky. I don't think that's true. Here's a quick checklist of what I look for in a guy.

A guy..

• Who makes more than $300,000 a year
• That I don't have to check his math to see if he left a reasonable tip in a restaurant
• With manners
• Who likes sports but isn't obsessed with them
• Who drives a nice car
• Who likes the beach
• Who likes women with cellulite
• Who can accept my shopping addiction
• Who likes to watch "Golden Girls"
• Who will apply sunscreen to my back but warm it up in his hands first
• Who won't try to get me to eat weird food, like lobster and scallops
• Who is close to his family
• Who likes kids
• Who doesn't mind that I don't shave my legs every day. Okay, every week.

So, if you know someone who meets ALL of the criteria above, send him my way.