In 2012, I vow to live more like a Kardashian. I will not leave the house unless I am in FULL hair and make-up, including fake eyelashes and foundation applied with a putty knife. I will pretend to be bothered when the paparazzi take my picture, though I will discretely pose so that they get my best side.
I will make sure that my mom always wears sequins and has enough make-up on for a small country. And when she starts to look her age, I will tell her that she needs a face lift.
I will also wear skin-tight unflattering clothes, like the dress you see below.
I will always make an effort to wear something leopard print, even if it's just my underwear.
I will help others by writing books about my ridiculous life. I will NOT donate any of the profits from my book(s) to charity. I will think about helping those less fortunate by giving them makeovers and ONE free item from my Kardashian Kollection at Sears (on sale now at Sears locations everywhere).
I vow to make as many new sex tapes, with random dudes, as I can.
I also vow to find new and exciting ways to show off my giant ass.
Finally, I will try my best to take over the world by changing the spelling of all words that start with c, to a k. For example: I kan't wait for 2012. It's going to be a khaotic year, I hope our shows don't get kancelled. I kan't even bear the thought of that. It would be krazy!
Happy New Year!