Fossils Vacation

The Fossils just got back from a two-week cruise around the Caribbean. They do this cruise with their friends every year.

I'm not sure why, but I am always in charge of uploading their pictures when they get back. Actually I do know why; they have no idea how to do it.

The pictures that they take are literally interchangeable from year to year.

I do love looking at the photos though. Here are a few winners:

There are always at least 3 photos of the ship.

This time was no exception.

The elevators. Always good to get a picture of those.

I think this is the ceiling.

I'm guessing that this is the moon.

People (that they may or may not know) swimming.

Thankfully, this year they only took 37 pictures. Oh, and there is not one picture of the two of them together. The Big Guy asked, "How would we get a picture of the two of us when one of us is always the one taking the pictures?" Fossils, can't live with 'em. End of story.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer

Dear Fossils,

At approximately 2:00 PM today I was leaving your home. I came over to visit and check on you, my elderly parents. As I was walking down the walkway, I slipped and fell. I landed in a split-type position and I looked ridiculous. I also have several boo-boos. I believe the fall was related to the two leaves that were left in said walkway. Combine that with the wet weather and it was just an accident waiting to happen. It was in no way a result of my new, slippery shoes.

I've contacted the law firm Dewey, Screwum and Howe and you will be receiving a letter from them shortly.

Since the fall occurred on your property I think that it's only fair that you pay all medical expenses pertaining to the fall. This means Band-aids, Neosporin and a box of tissues for my tears.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter. Hopefully we can settle out of court.

Yours very truly,

Loopy

Your youngest daughter and favorite child.

5 Minutes With The Fossils

Yesterday I stopped by the Fossils. You know, to check on my elderly parents. Plus, my dad needing help printing something off the "computa."

Anyone who's read my blog before, or knows me in real life, knows some of the conversations that have taken place between the Fossils.

Picture it:

I was in the dining room on the computer. My mom (aka Et) was at the kitchen table reading a book. My dad (aka Big Guy) was on his throne, no, not the bathroom one, his recliner in the living room.

Here's what went down:

Big Guy: "Lovey, can you bring me my coffee? I left it in the microwave. "

Et: "Are your legs broken? Get up and get it yourself"

Big Guy: "But I just had a treatment (he had a blue light thing done to his head at the dermatologist) and they told me that I should go home and rest."

Et: "Well, I just had a treatment too (she had been to the dentist) and they told me to rest too."

Big Guy: "Why don't you just bring it halfway, into the dining room, and Laura will bring it the rest of the way to me" *he giggles*

Me: (Shaking my head and getting glimpses of my future when I put these two nut cases in a home)

This is just a typical day at the Fossils. Drinking coffee and resting and reading the newspaper. God, give me strength.

Bargain Hunting With the Big Guy

My dad (aka The Big Guy) always laughs when Kelly or I tell him about bargains that we find. He was mortified when we told him that we brought our lunch, PB & J, to the outlets instead of stopping at one of the restaurants there. He's totally embarrassed for us.

I stopped by The Fossil's the other day and the Big Guy couldn't wait to tell me about the bargain that he just got. I'll tell you about it in his words:

BG: "Look at dis nice shirt I got. It was $79.95, mahhked down to $29.95 and I got it for $14. Isn't that a bahhgin?"

BG: "Look at dese shots? Aren't these so hip and cool?"

I actually do like the shorts. I would never tell him though, he'd think he was cool if I did.

A Sunday Drive With The Fossils

Today, the family had to attend a wake and I decided to drive with the Fossils. When I go somewhere with them, my dad drives, I ride shotgun (I get car sick in the back seat) and my mom sits in the back seat. Let me give you a little glimpse into what I go through on these drives:

Big Guy: "Look, what's that a tree over there?" The car veers and swerves towards the tree and I feel a little of my lunch coming back up.

Mom: "Three O one!" She shouts gas prices from the back seat.

Big Guy: "I'm going to turn on the game and see what the score is." He turns the volume to about 100.

Mom: "Three O seven!"

Big Guy: "Look at that house. What color is that...white?" The car veers toward the white house. I feel my mouth fill with water.

Mom: "Three O nine!"

Meanwhile, the Big Guy has the heat on 72 (they keep their house at a toasty 60 degrees) and the windows are starting to fog up.

I'm shocked that I didn't get sick.

Mom: "Three fifteen!"

10 Minutes of My Life That I'll Never Get Back

The other day I was hangin' at my parents house (aka The Fossil's). They bought some recordable gift cards for my nephews and niece in Texas and they needed help with them.

Since you can only record one message they had to think of something to say together. I wrote a script for them, it read: "Hi (child's name), it's Mere & Grampy. Merry Christmas. We love you!" Simple, right? My dad decided to ad-lib. He added "buy anything you want" at the end. Well, I had already let go of the record button, so it came out as "buy anyth". I said to him, "easy Old Man, no ad-libbing!"

On the second gift card, I said, "okay, here we go" and pressed the record button. They both looked at me with blank stares. I said, "uh hello". They said, "you didn't say 1, 2, 3, go". UGH! Fossils, they're precious, aren't they?