Wednesday, May 14, 2014

My Trip to the Dermatologist

If you know me in real life, you know that I've been cursed blessed with Irish skin. I like to think of myself as having alabaster, milky white, ivory skin. My friends think of me as Casper.

I see the dermatologist once a year for my skin check. Since melanoma runs rampant in my family, I'm very diligent about it.

My old dermatologist moved his office, so I started seeing a new guy. He's much younger and has a very sleek, up-to-date office.

They had me put on a paper gown (totally normal for a skin cancer check), that opens in the back. Then he had me sit on this chair/table thing. A "chable" if you will. It was upright, but he pressed a button and the back folded down to turn it into a table.

He checked the front of my body and then asked me to turn over. Well, this chable is about the width of a small chair. And I'm in a paper gown. With nothing but undies on underneath. This was not going to be pretty. Picture a whale that as somehow beached itself and is now (aggressively) trying to turn itself over. That was me on this table. I had a choice; either use my hand to keep my gown closed, and fall on the floor, or use both of my hands to turn myself over. I chose to use both hands. I imagine that I started out looking like a beached whale but ended up looking like a turtle that was stuck on its back. Either way, it was the opposite of graceful. There was lot of gasping, heavy breathing, sweating and trying to cover my fat fanny. The whole episode took about 2.5 seconds, although it felt like 20 minutes. I think I noticed a look of horror/disgust on the doctors face.

I think I'll start exercising. Does anyone have a chable I can use?

1 comment:

  1. Hahahaha visual is too much for me to handle. But much appreciated. Thank you.