Sunday, April 24, 2011

A Letter to a Friend

Dearest Flo,

We've been friends for a long time now; 27 years to be exact. I feel as though I haven't been honest with you. You see, I hate you Flo. I really, really do. You always overstay your welcome and you seem to delight in showing up at the exact wrong moment. Many times you've ruined a perfectly good beach day or vacation. You make me sick! Literally.
It seems that the only people who like you, Flo, are girls in college who wait anxiously for you to arrive after a couple of crazy, drunken weekends. Otherwise, you're not welcome.
It may sound harsh, but I've tried hinting around and you just don't seem to get the point. I think we should see less of each other. I think we'd both be happier that way. Don't worry, you'd make new friends. I'm sure there are some 13 year-old girls just dying to hang out with you. Go introduce yourself to them. I'm not saying that we have to say goodbye forever, just maybe not see as much of each other. Once every few months would be okay. I'm just getting a little tired of you knocking on my door every 28 days. It's a little rude.

There, I said it. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to know how much you're not welcome around here.
Best of luck in the future.


1 comment:

  1. Oy, that hussie hangs out with me once a month too. You just wait until she wants to come more frequently and stay longer. I really, really can't stand her either.