Thursday, December 30, 2010

A Letter To Burglars

There have been a string of break-ins in my town (and surrounding towns) recently. I decided to write a letter to the burglars. I'm just not sure where to send it. I'm hoping, maybe they read my blog.

Dear Burglars,

I wanted to let you know that you can skip my house. There's nothing here worth anything, trust me. When I leave the house, I usually take my laptop with me. My television is a 17 inch, non-HD, non-flat screen, heavy, clunky, old television. If you come into the bedroom, looking for a tv, you'll find an even smaller one, again, non-flat screen, non-HD. However, it DOES have the added bonus of a built-in VCR. I'm sure it would catch big bucks if you tried to sell it on the streets. If you're thinking of taking my jewelry, don't. My entire collection is valued at about 80 cents. If it's worth something, I'm usually wearing it. I also read that you're stealing prescription medications. I'm not sure if you'd be interested in my Collitis medicine or my allergy medicine. If you do steal those, rest assured you will have no blood in your stool and you won't be sneezing. Good for you.
I do have something worth value though. It's a nightstick that my grandfather made years ago. It has a place of honor beside my bed. If you do decide to break-in when I'm sleeping, I will be using this to smash your brains all over my white walls.

Again, feel free to pass right by my house.

Best personal regards,